My first collection: "The Empress of China"
"Wow, where to start?
As I am writing this, I feel overwhelmed by gratitude. When I moved to Rotterdam in the winter of 2022, still in the midst of the pandemic, I never expected that three years later I would be writing this page, and launching my first collection for my own brand.
It's funny, life. For a long time I didn't like life very much, and it seemed like a life that truly made me feel happy and like I belonged just wasn't meant for me. I felt alone, never really fitting in anywhere, and always feeling like there was something that other people just knew and I didn't. What came naturally to other people felt impossible to me, and what felt natural to me seemed impossible to other people.
I am turning thirty in August. Over the course of my life I have had many jobs and internships. I have travelled the world, and I have enough life experience under my belt to fill up ten life times. There is nothing that really phases me anymore at this point in time, and yet everything about my current life trajectory scared me and felt overwhelming when I first started it.
Starting my own brand forced me to reckon with insecurities and fears that I have dealt with my entire life. I had to work through them in order to move forward. Being bothered by other people's opinions all of a sudden seemed like a luxury that I couldn't afford. When you are creating your own path, other people's opinions and judgements will hold you back and will prevent you from reaching your potential, and will stop you in your tracks. I had to do the work to let being liked, being validated and having other people think or feel a certain way about me go. Only then I could really be free, and follow my own path and intuition.
Walking alone used to scare me, and I have spent a lifetime trying to fit in and trying to find places and people that would accept me for who I am and who I was. It wasn't until I realised that the fact that I walk alone is actually my super power. I do things my way. Instead of seeing that as a weakness and as something that was wrong with me, I decided to shift my perspective and turn it into my strength. Only I see the world from my perspective. Maybe there is something there. Maybe I wasn't meant to follow the crowd. Maybe I was meant to create something new.
Visionaries are often declared crazy at first.
I often think about people who did the unthinkable. The unimaginable. Who went where no one believed they could go, but they did, because they believed. The people who believed that we could go to the moon. The people who first climbed Everest. The Wright brothers. Amelia Earhart. Crazy, crazy, crazy. And those people, who were "crazy", are now iconic historical figures, because they did it when everyone else said they couldn't.
That's who I want to be.
To get to this point I racked up a whole lot of debt. I applied for different loans and grants over the course of the years that I worked towards building my brand, but no one would support me. I got rejected, mocked, humiliated, bullied, ridiculed and outright stonewalled. People straight up told me that I couldn't do it, shouldn't do it or wouldn't be able to do it. I lived off of government benefits while building my business, and I had to get extremely creative with my resources. To save money I did everything myself. Photography, web design, videography, marketing, etc., etc., etc.
I took large risks, and gave everything that I had for my business to succeed. I have had days on which I had less than a euro in my bank account, because I had just purchased supplies. Every single cent that I could spare went into my business. I worked day and night. I saw the sun come up more than once. I cried more times than I can remember. There was a while when I didn't have a shower and I bathed in the shower tray. If I filled it up to the brim I could get in and wash myself just comfortably enough that I wouldn't get cold. Eventually I got myself a bath tub. The first time that I took a bath I believe I cried happy tears. What a relief.
I don't know why it is so hard for people to believe in the ideas and visions of other people. Maybe when you see it yourself, you know, on cellular level, that it has the potential to exist, because it already exists in your mind. It's up to you to bring it into reality, and into the world. I read a quote somewhere that said "first make it exist, then make it good", and that really changed everything for me. When I first started working on my business I felt overwhelmed by the idea that it had to be perfect, and that paralysed me in a way. When I read that, it gave me permission to just start building. And from building, improving it, and making it good.
It changed my life.
Now, my first collection.
I don't know exactly where or how I got the idea for my first collection. I have always been really fascinated by and intrigued with ancient Chinese culture, and when Chinese Lunar New Year came around, I decided to learn more and educate myself. I visited the "Made in China" exhibition at the Wereldmuseum Rotterdam, participated in a workshop where I got to create a block printed painting, and learned more about Hanfu. Hanfu are the traditional styles of clothing worn by the Han Chinese since the second millennium BCE. Hanfu is the oldest traditional oudste traditionele kleding uit China dat werd gedragen door de Han bevolking (Oost-Azië). Hanfu is dan ook ontstaan in de Han Dynasty (206 v. Chr. - 220 na Chr.). Hanfu betekent in het Chinees Han-kleding. Fu/服 betekent namelijk kleding
The Empress of China: Wu Zetian 武則天
Wu Zetian (武則天) is the only legitimate empress that China has ever known in its history. She is an immensely fascinating woman, who rose to power from being one of emperor Taizong’s 122 (!) concubines, to eventually ascending the throne.
Wu Zetian was born in 624, and was thirteen years old when she became emperor Taizong’s concubine. As Taizong’s concubine she didn’t belong to his favourites and they had no children together. When Taizong fell ill, Wu Zetian was tasked with cleaning the bed linen. It is during this period of time that she connected with Gaozong, Taizong’s ninth son. When Taizong died in the year 649, all concubines were sent to a Buddhist monastery.
The new emperor, Gaozong, Taizong’s successor, visited the monastery often. Wu Zetian wasn’t only beautiful, she was extraordinarily intelligent. With her poetry she tried to convince him to take her with him back to the palace.
Empress Wang, Gaozong’s wife, birthed no children. Meanwhile she was worried about his favourite concubine, Xiao. Wang encouraged the emperor to bring Wu Zetian back to the place in the hopes that she would distract him from Xiao. Wu Zetian didn’t appear to be a threat, because she had no royal blood.
Wu Zetian was thirty years old when she returned to the palace. With all the experience that she had she did everything in her power to obliterate her competitors Wang and Xiao.
She birthed two sons and strengthened her bond with Gaozong. Eventually she convinced him to depose his wife and to name her empress. In 655 she became Gaozong’s huanghou (皇后), or empress consort, the highest-ranking position that a woman during that time could take up.
Wu Zetian had considerable political power even before becoming empress consort, and began to control the court after her appointment. After Gaozong got a stroke, she co-ruled for almost twenty years.
After the death of Gaozong their son Li Xian became the new emperor. After a year however Wu Zetian deposed him because he didn’t listen to her. In 690 Wu Zetian decided to declare herself emperor. This was an unprecedented decision. She became the first and only female ruler in the history of China.
For fifteen years Wu Zetian ruled over her Zhou Dynasty. China blossomed under her rule. She supervised important cultural, economic and military developments, improved agriculture and provided food for the people. She also expanded the borders of her empire and strengthened defences.
In 705 her son Li Xian en her own ministers revolted. They had other ideals and a different vision for the ruling of the country. Wu Zetian was forced to abdicate her throne. She died that same year.
